Beyaz Beheld

Yaz, possibly the most controversial pill since The Pill is getting a scrub-up formula and turning into Beyaz (no relation to bee-otch, says Bayer.)  Beyaz is a birth control pill with an identity problem, it's still Yaz the Pill but now it contains folate which is a vitamin every OB-GYN recommends to pregnant mothers because it helps decrease certain birth defects.  Bayer clearly thinks it's a plucky, genius idea to put it in a contraceptive, because......

Beyaz is marketed to well groomed, travel-bound, cotton dress wearing sluts.  The only boyfriend-object in its commercial is 2-D and snatched away by some obvious Beyaz-guzzling whore.

I think my favorite part is when the sprightly announcer lady smiles through the fatal warnings and determines a distinction between PMS and PMDD.  PMS is what pussies get, I mean you can remedy that shit over the Fanny Farmer counter or through Lifetime Movies for Women, or with a neti pot.  Real women with real agitation and cramps get PMDD, why you gotta be some surly burly beast to put up with that monster, which is what the pharmaceutical industry wants us to believe ever since they invented PMDD to sell Prozac in pink pills for 3x the price. That, and Bayer got in trouble for marketing Yaz as a cure for zits and PMS, oh yeah that!

It's Spa--wn Day!

Ah fuck me, I love Disney vacations, but it's not that I didn't notice the cross-selling on a recent episode of Disney Channel's Phineas and Ferb---selling spa treatments to children and adolescents, just as Aulani, Disney's latest Spa&Resort opens. Parents, strap on your...your home eq loan?  No, those are over.  Um, strap on your....credit card?  No, too anti-TwennyTeens.  Strap on your....tax refunds?  Hahahahahahahaaa.  I guess this episode was just for youse rich parents, the ones who can afford the airfare to Hawai'i to begin with.  It's spaaaaa daaaay fo-yo offspring..